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Fear was more Debilitating than the Cancer

PostPosted: Sat Mar 10, 2018 9:24 pm
by shannonknight123
Fear is more debilitating than anything I know! It has been more debilitating than cancer that I battled and every other thing I endured that knocked me so far down.

Fear.jpg (4.2 KiB) Viewed 1540 times
Fear.jpg (4.2 KiB) Viewed 1540 times
Fear.jpg (4.2 KiB) Viewed 1540 times

(It's okay to share this, I am not embarrassed about the picture where I was at my worst.)

Even many years after (Free of disease) and complete healing from stage 4 breast cancer and having a death sentence over my head removed I was afraid. I kept speaking out loud the opposite of my fearful thoughts. That's when I began saw courage take place! Think about it, choosing alternative cancer treatment seemed crazy, I mean It was an unconventional way, it was another country, and I was sick, weak and scared! I knew no one, absolutely nobody that went to Mexico for cancer treatment.

Only my gut said, "Go!" Gut spelled backward is TUG! I was being tugged to go to CMN Hospital. I call the tugging angel nudges. I will thank for the rest of my life. Here is the website was the answer to "my healing". That was brave! Looking back, I can see it now how much courage it took! To cross the border and say no to chemotherapy. Friends, this is. not a recommendation for anyone to do my treatment. You have to pay attention to your own gut feeling and trust it! Remember this in everything. This is my journey and my choices. It did not just save my life it changed my life! You are unique, and different than me.

What makes a woman do something so courageous? I see an image of the cowardly lion singing "Courage." I see the scarecrow singing, "If I Only Had a Brain." I see the tin man singing, " If I Only Had a Heart" and most of all I see an image of Dorothy wanting more for herself singing, "Somewhere of the Rainbow" and those ruby red slippers; her way back home was with her all the time. She just needed to realize her own abilities. Courage, brains, adventure, tenacity, the wicked witch of the west and how a bucket of water melted Dorothy's fear! So much damage and setbacks from fear.

By saying no to chemo, I had to wait months until the funds were raised because Mexico was not covered by my insurance. I prayed like crazy that the 3-month to 12 months I had left to live would not expire before I got to CMN. There was not one single testimony. I trusted my intuition and just went. Something inside me said, "Go There" That's it...nothing else. My intuition said trust and go. In those months I dealt with SKEPTICS (Oh dear God, they were everywhere) I had to trust me and my decision on how to try and save my life. No one could change my flipping mind! No one did. They tried!!!!

I’ve been dealing with anxiety for years, the fear of almost dying and accepting that I’m alive today is still a miracle to me. Why? It is because the stigma wrapped around cancer and that 5-year rule. I claimed I was cured the moment I was! I said it to people and never once used the word remission. I knew the power of thinking. I refused to say I was just taking a break in remission. Courage can only conquer fear with our thoughts and self-talk. For me that was also prayer, giving thanks.
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If anyone has been in my house, they’ve seen the beautiful positive affirmations on the walls. If anyone knows me personally, they know I’ve got empowering books, and I work more and more on my soul and my heart than ever before. I pray and am grateful for my breath of life and I know one day my soul will be all that exists and this body will be gone. I know this, so I feel the purpose of my life is to learn how to love better.

I give thanks every morning and night for the ability to breathe without cancer in my lungs and bones. I think of what I can write to inspire and lift up the spirits of another who is as down as I was with cancer.

Many things help me cope with my fear of ever been near death again. Enjoy each day, give love each day. It is the answer to anxiety. Love others, get outside of your head and into your heart.

I learned there would be times that were too hard to handle. I'd try to control the situation, work every strategy. I am tenacious, and I am not a quitter, but when you have tried everything, turned over every stone and cried enough tears of frustration I would finally have to surrender it all, and "Just let go" I'd ask God to take over.

I'd pray and let go! The world will dish out problems, we will get sick or injured.
It happens. This is the only time where I have seen miracles that took place in my life. I'd let go and turn it over sometimes like an angry, bratty child and sometimes worn out, tired and barely believing, but still hanging on by a thread of hope and faith.
Feel free to get words of inspiration and learn more about my journey at my website.